From the 'Lectric Law Library's Stacks
In a state-run society the government promises you security. But it's a false promise predicated on the idea that the opposite of security is risk. Nothing could be further from the truth. The opposite of security is insecurity, and the only way to overcome insecurity is to take risks. The gentle government that promises to hold your hand as you cross the street refuses to let go on the other side. ~Theodore Forstmann
Selected by Rodney Jones, Charles Sevilla, and Gerald Uelmen.
Counsel: And you are involved I take it in both aspects of pathology
here in your practice?
Witness: Yes. I am certified in both.
Counsel: Directing your attention to the 6th of November 1976, in the evening hours, do you recall being up at Rose Chapel in Paradise?
Counsel: Do you recall examining a person by the name of Rodney Edgington at the funeral chapel?
Counsel: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edgington at the Rose Chapel?
Witness: It was the evening. The autopsy started at about 8:30 P.M.
Counsel: And Mr. Edgington was dead at that time, is that correct?
Witness: No, you dumb asshole. He was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
D.A.: What is the meaning of sperm being present?
Witness: It indicates intercourse.
D.A.: Male sperm?
Witness: That is the only kind I know.
Counsel: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
Witness: Yes, I have been since early childhood.
Defense Counsel: So if I hit the prosecutor at this very moment and he fell over the back of this railing, hit his head and a subdural hematoma immediately began to form, the blood that was leaking into the space would have essentially the same components as the blood leaking into his teeny little brain?
The Court: In this case the request is made for the appointment of
the psychologist for the performance of an IQ test. The court does
not see the need for an IQ test since it appears to me that he is
dumber than a fencepost.
Counsel: Has the court started it in numerical terms?
The Court: His IQ is less than zero.
Counsel: What device do you have in your laboratory to test alcohol
Witness: I have a dual column gas chromatograph, Hewlett-Packard 5710A with flame analyzation detectors.
The Court: Can you get that on mag wheels?
Witness: Only on the floor models.
Counsel: Now, in your report under "Foundation" you indicated that
there is a minimum of cracking and no signs of settling.
Counsel: When you say there is a minimum of cracking, I take it that you did find some cracking.
Witness: No. Because if I said there was no cracking, I would be in court just like this answering some stupid lawyers' questions. So I put minimum in there to cover myself, because somebody is going to find a crack somewhere.
The Court: I could say I would like to shake your hand, but I won't. Counsel: Move to strike --
The Court: No. We are not going to strike it.
Counsel: Move to strike the word "stupid," Your Honor.
The Court: The most appropriate word you want stricken? It is worth the whole trial.
Defense counsel: The truth of the matter is that you are not an
unbiased, objective witness, isn't it? You too were shot in the
Witness: No, sir. I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval.
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