Best Lawyer Q & A Jokes

The Library's patrons are the best, so we've searched the planet for the best lawyer Q & A jokes, and here they are. [And remember, anyone who sends in a joke we use gets $1,000,000,000.*] ------ What's the difference between a porcupine and an ambulance chasing BMW carrying three lawyers? -- A porcupine has the pricks on the outside. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? -- Fifty-Four -- Eight to argue, one to get a continuance, one to object, one to demur, two to research precedents, one to dictate a letter, one to stipulate, five to turn in their time cards, one to depose, one to write interrogatories, two to settle, one to order a secretary to change the bulb, and twenty eight to bill for professional services. What's the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? -- A rooster clucks defiance and a lawyer f**ks da clients. What do you call parachuting lawyers? -- Skeet. What's the difference between lawyers and vampire bats? -- One's a bloodsucking parasite and the other is a mouse-like creature with wings! What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? -- A gigolo only screws one person at a time. What's the difference between lawyers and vultures? -- Vultures can't take their wing tips off. What's the difference between female prosecutors and terrorists? -- You can negotiate with terrorists. What separates witnesses from the lowest form of life on earth? -- The partitions around the witness stand. What do lawyers use for birth control? -- Their personalities. What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? -- A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight. What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should? -- Stick his bill up his ass. What's the difference between L.A. and Beverly Hills lawyers? -- A L.A. lawyer says, "If it ain't broke, I'll fix it." A Beverly Hills lawyer says, "If 'you' ain't broke, I'll fix it." Why should you not run over a lawyer on a bicycle? -- It might be your bicycle. How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? -- Cut the rope. What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances? -- Retired. What's the difference between a stork and an attorney? -- One can stick its bill up its ass, the other one should. What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? -- Ones a low life bottom feeding scum sucker; the other's a fish. What's the difference between a lawyer and a sperm? -- The sperm has a chance in a million of becoming human. What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? -- Prositutes stop screwing you after you die. What's the difference between a tick and a lawyer? -- A tick drops off when you're dead. What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? -- A vampire only sucks blood at night. What's the difference between a lawyer and an onion? -- You cry when you cut up an onion. What does "NFL football player, NBA basketball player, preacher, lawyer" represent? -- pro's and con's What's the difference between a lawyer and God? -- God doesn't think he's a lawyer! *Eligibility requires nominal $2,000,000,000 submission fee. ----- Brought to you by - The 'Lectric Law Library The Net's Finest Legal Resource For Legal Pros & Laypeople Alike. http://www.lectlaw.com