Rent A Client

Here are 2 short pieces from "The Rodent - The Official Underground Publication for Associates ". For info about subscribing, etc. The Rodent can be reached at: THERODENT@aol.com Is it one of those times in your legal career hen you need help impressing the partnership? Are you scrambling for an offer or making a push to become a partner? Call "Rent A Client", we can help. We're the largest client-look-alike service in the U.S. Pur stable of professional actors and actresses are trained to impersonate your favorite Chairman of the Board, CEO or General Counsel. Rent our client-look-alikes and let them say the things partners love to hear. "Biff's our boy!" -- Gerald Bregman, General Counsel, Exxon "We will give all out libel cases to Mary." -- The Rodent, Rodent Publications "We want to buy Dallas Cowboys." -- Hiroshi Yamuchi, CEO, Nintendo Corporation Summer Associate Special: Rent a Fortune 500 CEO, get one in-house counsel absolutely free! Call 1-800-CLIENTS TODAY! ---------------------- The Time Sheet a.k.a. "The Fountain of Law Fibs" Law Fibs are mistatements commonly used around The Firm to hide some of the awful truths about being a lawyer. The largest breeding ground for the Law Fib is the time sheet. All lawyers quickly come to realize they will achieve their billable hour goal and become a success at The Firm only if they master the use of the time sheet law fib. Accordingly, The Rodent proudly supplies the following example of a well documented time sheet to help its readers meet their billable hour goal: WHAT YOU DID | WHAT YOU SAY YOU DID ------------ | -------------------- | 7:30 - 9:00. Arrive at office. | 1.5 hours. Robinson Resources,. Order coffee and danish. File | General Review of file, T/C with nails, lint brush clothes. See | New York office. Prepare for what guys in mail room will be | meeting. smoking during the day. | | 9:00 - 9:45. Check horoscope, | 1.1 hours. Brown v. Rodent. call Rotisserie Baseball to | Review complaint. Phone call review status of team. Read | with opposing counsel. Rodent, laugh, send donation. | | 9:45 - 9:50. Think up esoteric | .5 hours. WEN Enterprises, research project for which there | Gen. Research re possible Blue is no answer. | Sky law applicaton to agreement. | 9:50 - 10:05. Assign esoteric | 1.5 hours. WEN Enterprises, research project for which there | General Additional research re is no answer to junior associate.| possible Blue Sky law | application to agreement. | 10:10 - 12:00. Wait for junior | 3.9 hours. WEN Enterprises, associate to report results of | General Additional research re research. Berate junior | Blue Sky laws. Conclude there associate for not finding answer.| is no application to Tell junior associate to skip | employment agreement. lunch and continue research. | | 12:00 - 3:00. Lunch and | 3.0 hours. Back, American rendevous with Pat. | Lawyer Takeover. Meeting. | 3:00 - 4:00. Call junior | 5.2 hours. Flaum Financial, IPO. associate and announce research | Draft and review documents, project no longer necessary and | interoffice confs w partners therefore no time should be | re same.Draft memo to file. | 4:00 - 5:30. Coffee with other | 2.8 hours. 4 different files Return to office and instruct | (.7 each). Interoffice meetings | re status of files. | 5:30 - 6:30. Return phone calls | 1.2 hours. Turner v. Helfman,. from clients who leave their | General. Review file and related offices by 5:30. Call partners | documents. asking if they have seen hated | rival who apparently left for | the day. | | 6:30 - 11:30. Call spouse and | 4.0 hours. The Firm, report (with sad voice) that damn| Administration. Conduct deal still hasn't closed. Drinks| orientation seminar re Firm and dinner with new eighteen year| procedures. old staff member. | ----- Brought to you by - The 'Lectric Law Library The Net's Finest Legal Resource For Legal Pros & Laypeople Alike. http://www.lectlaw.com