In California Superior Court
Death Valley, California
John Doe, ) Case No. _____
v. ) Judge: _____
a.k.a. Lucifer, )
Beezelbub, and )
The Evil One, ) COMPLAINT
Now comes the Plaintiff, John Doe, on behalf of the class of people
referred to as the human race [hereinafter humans], praying for relief
from false advertising and intentional tortious acts of defendant and
his operatives, .
1. Plaintiff states that Defendant knowingly, willfully, and
maliciously disguised himself as a serpent on approximately February
sixth, 4003 B.C., and encountered one Eve, for whom no last name is
2. Plaintiff furhters states that Defendant promised Eve and her male
companion, Adam, that if they performed a certain illegal act, they
would become gods.
3. Plaintiff further states that Defendant knew the statement in
paragraph 2 to be false, that they would not become gods, yet induced
them to commit the act of eating one apple from the so-called Tree of
Knowledge of Good and Evil, an act illegal in the municipality of Eden,
where they resided (Godslaws sec. 1, p. 232).
4. Plaintiff further states that the commission of the illegal act
caused a congenital defect that forced Eve, Adam, and all their
descendants, save for one Jesus Christ, to desire to commit, and to
commit, wanton tortious acts of cruelty, violence, and degradation, many
of which have been supported by Defendant.
5. Plaintiff further states that such acts mentioned in paragraph 4
violated any and all laws that have ever been in place, as well as some
that havent, and caused grievous injury to others.
6. Plaintiff further states that Defendant and his operatives continue
to this day to mastermind such illegal, malicious, and tortious acts, or
fraudulently induce others to commit them.
7. Plaintiff further states that said Jesus was forced to suffer a
horrible and excruciating death to pay for the acts mention in
paragraphs 4 and 6, to allow all who followed Him to regain that glory
upon their deaths.
WHEREFORE, Plaintiff prays that the Court grant relief from the injury
to Eve, Adam, and descendants, in the form of $10,000 for each
descendant, totalling approximately 80 trillion dollars.
Plaintiff further prays that the Court grant Plaintiff relief from all
harassment, destruction, and mischief that Defendant has committed, in
the amount of one trillion dollars in monetary damages, along with
punitive damages of 666 gazillion dollars for pain and suffering, for
injuries incurred as a result of Defendants actions.
Plaintiff further prays that the Court issue an injunction barring
Defendant, or Defendants operatives, from having any contact or
involvement with Plaintiff class. This includes any attempt that a
member of Plaintiff class may unwittingly attempt to make with Defendant
through any spiritual mechanism.
Signature of Attorney
APPLICATION OF PLAINTIFF FOR CLASS STANDING
Plaintiff prays that the Court certify the class of Humans as a proper
class under Civil Rule 23(B)(3), the class to include any and all
people, living or dead, with the exception of the aforementioned Jesus
Christ, for the following reasons:
Commonality: All members of said class can claim, at one time or
another, to have made mistakes because of Defendants overt or covert
Said class can also claim to be adversely affected by a defect, caused
by Defendant, which prevents them from being able to resist said overt
or covert acts of Defendant;
Numerosity: The number of prospective plaintiffs is too large for
separate trials to be a workable solution;
Typicality: Plaintiffs complaint - that Defendant has, through mind
tricks, convinced Plaintiff to lie, cheat, and committ other acts which
are harmful and tortious and are violations of the laws of Heaven.
(Godslaws, Comm. I-XI) - is typical of all other Plaintiffs, save for
Jesus. In addition, Plaintiff lacks the thing which allowed him to
resist Defendants wiles, meaning that even since the aforementioned
Jesus replaced it with His death on the cross mentioned in paragraph 7,
Plaintiff will still be unable to resist Defendants actions, unless the
Court grants the appropriate remedies;
Representativeness: Plaintiff promises to represent the class of humans
in this court action.
[contributed by Doug Fowler [email protected]]
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