Hi, beloved Librarian patron! It's me, Ralf, again. . . . You know, the head librarian?. . . Duh. . . The one who gave you the tour and your Library Card?. . . Yeah, that's right, that one. . . . Geez!
Could you please help me with something? I'd really appreciate it if you'd tell me one thing. . . .
Why did a fine looking, obviously intelligent person like you want to see this file?
WHAT KIND OF SORRY GEEK ARE YOU?. . . YOU LIKE TO SET FIRE TO CUTE KITTENS OR RUN OVER PUPPYDOGS?. . . IS YOUR LAST NAME MENGELE?
Only curiosity?. . . Sure it was. Heh, heh, heh.
Listen my friend, this was a test to identify people who are at risk of becoming lawyers. We figure we may be able to identify them and hopefully do something to help salvage their lives and souls before it's too late.
And guess what? YOU FLUNKED THE TEST!!
So, if you have even a shred of self-respect left, please be sure to leave your name and address at the Library's main desk when you leave and we'll arrange to have a team of highly trained mental health professionals contact you in the very near future.
NOW, GET THE HELL BACK TO THE LIBRARY ANDREAD SOMETHING USEFUL OR I'LL SUE YOUR SORRY BUTT ALL THE WAY TO. . .