For Your Eyes Only!


REALLY, REALLY TOP SECRET DOCUMENT #rr007
* FOR YOUR EYES ONLY *
* Destroy & Forget After Reading *
* If Asked, Deny That You & This Document Exist *

HOW THE 'LECTRIC LAW
LOOKER-UPPER WORKS
by its inventors, Ralf & Randolf Rinkle, famous scientists

The Looker-Upper is based on an advanced mathematical algorithm having to do with rends in the fabric of the universe. It was discovered by the inventors while roommates doing their post-doctoral work at M.I.T. -- and after ingesting a large pizza covered with very unusual looking fungi and oregano. While the algorithm is much too complicated to explain here, the actual step-by-step execution of it is described below.

1. A beloved Library patron ["BLP"] types in their beloved query term or phrase request ["BQTR"] and clicks on the search button.

2. The BQTR is electronically transmitted directly to the Library's Isle of Langerhans Command Complex's Looker-Upper Response Room ["L-URR"].

3. Upon receipt, the BQTR is decomboobulated, converted into a print out ["BQTRPO"] and randomly assigned to one of the L-URR's 2065 resident Legal Research Experts ["LRE"] -- all highly experienced lawyers who graduated in the top .05% of their ivory league law school class.

4. Motivated by the constant carping, insults and dire threats of the L-URR Commander ["L-URRC"] -- either Ralf or Randolf Rinkle -- as well as a very hefty injection of pure amphetamine and a 700 volt electric shock, the LRE hastily exits the L-URR in wide-eyed terror, BQTRPO in hand, and dashes across the street to our Query Term Data Warehouse [the "QTDW"]. (You would probably recognize the QTDW as the location used for the closing scene of the movie "Raiders of the Lost Ark.")

5. The LRE frantically searches the QTDW for the proper answer to the BQTR ["PATBQTR"], further motivated by both the ever-intensifying electric shocks administered by the solar-powered collar ["SPC"] all LREs are required to constantly wear, as well as by the knowledge that a pack of attack wolverines ["POAW"] (tiny wolves who swarm on any living thing in their path and nibble it to death) will be loosed in the QTDW if they tarry in their search.

6. Finding the PATBQTR, and still motivated by the SPC, the LRE fills out a PATBQTR response form ["PATBQTRRF"] in triplicate, while constantly glancing about for any sign of a POWA.

7. Clutching the PATBQTRRF in trembling hands, the LRE flees the QTDW and rushes back to the L-URR (usually chased by a POAW).

8. Handing the PATBQTRRF to the L-URRC, and while the PATBQTRRF is being recomboobulated into electronic form for transmission back to the BLP who sent the BQTR, the LRE is escorted (or carried) to the L-URR's Medical Clinic ["L-URRMC"] -- unless the L-URRC determines that the PATBQTRRF is incomplete or otherwise unsatisfactory, in which case the LRE is diverted from the L-URRMC and dispatched back to the QTDW.

[Actually, it uses "Swish"... which we think is based at www.eit.com]

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