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Like a pack of hungry piranhas stalking the frozen Serengeti tundra's redwood forests for their next feral poodle brunch, our staff of 379 legal information experts -- neutered drones, raised on a diet of Nixon speeches, Perry Mason reruns, Alan Dershkowitz commentaries & Scalia opinions since being snatched from their mothers within minutes of birth and genetically altered to unstintingly obey the benevolent musings and tyrannical rants of our universally beloved Head Librarian Ralf -- sit chained to computers 22 hrs a day at our majestic Isles of Langerhans Command Complex, traversing cyberspace, from its lofty, perfumed corridors of power to its dank, fetid dungeons, searching for any legal material the Library's beloved patrons may desire, a sampling of which we are pleased to present below.


PREMIUM LEGAL RESOURCES LEGAL FORMS ASK A LAWYER

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Here's the 'guts' of the Library - The LAWCOPEDIA - with our legal dictionary, The 'Lectric Law Lexicon, and our many Topic Areas. Plus there are links to some of our other rooms & unique resources and to other folk's sites. But, rather than bore you with the details, why don't you just explore & check things out.

The 'Lectric Law Lexicon
Explanations for 1000's of Law Related Words, Terms & Phrases In the Net's Most Extensive Legal Dictionary.

When I use a word, Humpty Dumpty said, in a scornful tone, it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less. The question is, said Alice, whether you can make words mean so many different things. The question is, said Humpty Dumpty, which is to be master - that's all.

'LECTRIC LEGAL NEWS EXCLUSIVE

We all know it's not coincidence that attorney is Etruscan for Secret Minion of Satan and that lawyer means Hidden Agent of the Dark Master of Suffering in Sanskrit, but it seems the powers-that-be have finally noticed. Our congressional correspondent, Ramundo R. Rinkle, has all the stunning facts in his report:

BILL JAILING ALL LAWYERS PASSES CONGRESS

Ratio legis est anima legis. - The reason of the law is the soul of the law.

Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, turned to God and said, I hear a new creature called Man is soon to be created.  This is true, God replied.   He will need laws, said the Demon slyly, prompting God to indignantly exclaim, What! You, his appointed Enemy for all Time! You ask for the right to make his laws? Oh, no! Satan replied, I ask only that he be allowed to make his own. It was so granted. - Ambrose Bierce

LEGAL TOPIC AREAS

We've split "law" into overlapping areas to help you find what you're looking for.

ALTERNATIVE DISPUTE RESOLUTION
Arbitration & Mediation Law, Procedure, Organizations & Issues
Avoid law suits beyond all things; they impair your health, & dissipate your property. - J. de La Bruyere

ANTITRUST & UNFAIR TRADE
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings. The inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. - Churchill
Capitalism is based on the assumption that you can win. - R.Rinkle

BANKING, FINANCE & CREDIT
Bank failures are caused by depositors who don't deposit enough to cover losses due to mismanagement. - D. Quayle
Banking establishments are more dangerous than standing armies. - Thomas Jefferson

BANKRUPTCY
It's a bit strange that Bankruptcy is the hardest Court for the poor to waive its fees. - R.Rinkle
Capitalism without bankruptcy is like Christianity without hell. - Frank Borman, CEO, Eastern Airlines

BUSINESS LAW - GENERAL
General Info, Statutes, Corporations, Partnerships, LLCs, Capital...
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Tacitus (55-117 A.D.)

BUSINESS - REGULATIONS
Rules & Regulations re Safety, Consumer, Environment, Tax...
A law can be both economic folly and constitutional. - Antonin Scalia

Business, Court and Personal Forms for Every Situation
'LLL's 25,000+ Premium Forms - Every Subject, Every State

CIVIL LEGAL SYSTEM & LAW
Ubi jus, ibi remedium. - Where there is a right, there is a remedy.
Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser in fees, expenses and waste of time. - Lincoln

U.S. CONSTITUTIONAL LAW & RIGHTS
The Constitution is not neutral. It was designed to take the government off the backs of people. - Justice W.O. Douglas
It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can keep him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important. - Dr. M.L. King Jr.

HISTORIC COURT DECISIONS
Marbury v. Madison, Dred Scott, Bivins...
I have never been more struck by the good sense and practical judgment of the Americans than in the manner in which they elude the numberless difficulties resulting from their Federal Constitution... - de Tocqueville

CONSUMER ISSUES & PROTECTION
Laws, Rights, Scams, Agencies...
Scire debes cum quo contrahis. - You ought to know with whom you deal.
Trust everyone, but always cut the cards - and carry a gun. - R.Rinkle

COURT INFORMATION & RULES - FEDERAL
The legal system's often a mystery, and we, its priests, preside over rituals baffling to everyday citizens. - Henry Miller
The history of liberty has largely been the history of the observance of procedural safeguards. - Justice F. Frankfurter

COURT INFORMATION & RULES - STATE
When the law is against you, argue the facts. When the facts are against you, argue the law. When both are against you, attack the plaintiff. - R.Rinkle
...idiots, imbeciles, aliens, the insane and women [are barred from jury duty] - pre-1918 Texas law

THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM
Police, Jails, Rights, Policies ...
Justice is incidental to law and order. - J. Edgar Hoover
When a man wants to murder a tiger, he calls it sport: when the tiger wants to murder him, he calls it ferocity. The distinction between crime and justice is no greater. - George Bernard Shaw

CRIMINAL LAW & PROCEDURE
There's never a deed so foul that something couldn't be said for the guy; that's why there are lawyers. - Mel Belli
Laws are spider webs through which the big flies pass and the little ones get caught. - Balzac

Public Service Anti-Drug Banner and File - Speed Kills and J.F.K.

DRUGS & ALCOHOL LAWS & ISSUES
The War on Drugs - Can the 'good guys' be Satan's Soldiers?
Half the Top 40 songs are secret messages to the teen world to drop out, turn on, and groove with the chemicals and light shows at discotheques. - Art Linkletter
I don't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. - Hunter Thompson

EMPLOYMENT & LABOR LAW & ISSUES
When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. - Calvin Coolidge

ENVIRONMENTAL PROTECTION
It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air & water. - D. Quayle

FAMILY LAW
Marriage, Divorce, Adoption, Abuse, Alimony, Child Support, Kids ...
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, insane, delusive, and transient of passions, they are required to swear that they'll remain in that condition continuously until death do them part. - G.B.Shaw
I was five years old before I realized there was no such thing as ALPO baby food. - Rodney Dangerfield

GOV'T BENEFITS & ENTITLEMENTS
Social Security, Welfare, Pensions, Loans...
Every government program of the past 50 years - except war - achieved the opposite of its announced goal. - R. Rinkle
The difference between welfare mothers and big corporations is some mothers try to get off welfare. - R. Rinkle

GOV'T INFORMATION ACCESS
Freedom of Information, Privacy, & Classified Info Procedures Acts
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger. - Tolkien

GOVERNMENT AGENCIES - U.S.
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. - Les Aspin
The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the quality of his service. - Ralph Nader

HISTORIC LEGAL DOCUMENTS
Magna Carta, U.S. Constitution, Emancipation Proclamation...
If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. Instead, read the D.C. phone book's list of organizations with titles beginning with 'National'. - George Will
Those who don't remember the past are condemned to repeat it. Those who do will still find ways to f**k up! - R. Rinkle

IMMIGRATION LAW
In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first. - Ambrose Bierce
Our nation was founded by and for white men, so I say deport everyone else! Except my gardeners & driver... and women... and... - R. Rinkle

INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY
Patents, Copyrights & Trademarks, Issues, Laws, Procedures...
Life has no meaning - or even worse, it probably has a meaning that I don't like. - R. Rinkle

INT'L BUSINESS, FINANCE & TAXATION
Offshore Business, Banking, Investment, Financial Planning, Tax Havens and Related Matters
The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. - Jefferson

WARNING!! Pay no attention to any preverted subliminal messages on this page.
!TAHT ERONGI

INTERNATIONAL LAW
An Eclectic Collection of Laws & Legal Material
Peace, n: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

INVESTMENTS & SECURITIES
Laws, Regulations, Stocks, Problem Resolution, Scams & Frauds
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life. - Thoreau

THE JUDICIAL SYSTEM
The most expensive machine ever invented to find out what happened & what to do about it. - Judge I. Kaufman
Whoever tries to set himself up as judge of Truth & Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods. - A. Einstein

LAWS - U.S. STATUTORY
Some selected Statutes and the Entire U.S. Code.
It will be of little avail to the people that the laws are made by men of their own choice, if the laws be so voluminous that they cannot be read, or so incoherent that they cannot be understood; if they be repealed or revised before they are promulgated, or undergo such incessant changes that no man who knows what the law is today can guess what it will be tomorrow. - Federalist 62

LITIGATION ISSUES - GENERAL
Evidence, Experts, Procedures, News, Complex Cases ...
I was never ruined but twice: Once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I won one. - Voltaire
Man's greatest joy is to slay his enemy, plunder his riches, ride his steeds, see the tears of his loved ones and ravish his women. - Genghis Khan

MEDICINE & THE LAW
Medical Malpractice Issues, Hints, News, Experts...
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying. - Woody Allen

REAL PROPERTY & LANDLORD/TENANT ISSUES
A conservative's an ex-liberal who bought a house - and was burglarized. - R.Rinkle
It is the trade of lawyers to question everything, yield nothing, and to talk by the hour. - Jefferson

SEX & THE LAW
Laws, News, Humor... Not Sex with Lawyers!
I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. - J.Edgar Hoover

TAXATION
If Patrick Henry thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see it WITH representation. - R.Rinkle
I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. But I could be just as proud for half the money. - Arthur Godfrey

THE INTERNET LAW LIBRARY
The U.S. House of Representatives built this HUGE COLLECTION of Legal Links & Resources with taxpayer money, but decided to stop hosting & maintaining it.

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Why's there always a secret singing when a lawyer cashes in? Why does a hearse horse snicker hauling a lawyer away? - Carl Sandburg

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